I went to Khajuraho for a vacation. Alone.
It was incredible. I learned how to ride a cycle (think Phoebe from Friends, yeah, me in 2015), discovered a spiritual tea-shop, stowed away on a train and drank beer across the road from a 1000 year old temple. But mostly I spent my time making exclamations of awe and delight at the artistic beauty around me. And since for me, everything returns to matters of the heart and loins, here’s a little something (for those looking for touristy info, you’ll find some as an aside in the end!)
With love, from Khajuraho
Let it Show. Let it show. Let it show.
Often times, an unspoken contract comes in to play with couples, especially though who are casually connected. The terms of this contract, myriad and varied, are all about enforcing one key thing: NO ONE MUST KNOW!
For crying out loud, if you think sex is something to hide away in a corner, you need to visit Khajuraho. Visit it and you’ll see scattered everywhere in the effusion of sculpture – couples – at times Gods and Goddesses at times just normal everyday people. Couple, who are basically just chilling in each other’s arms. Nothing particularly erotic, they are not even naked, they are just there, with each other, glacing askance to make eye contact, gently touching the arm of the breast, just enjoying the person they are with.
I know we are raised on a diet of guilt and no one wants to break convention. But just hold your partner. Let everyone see. It’ll make one hell of a difference to your relationship, self-esteem and just all-round awesomeness.
It’s all in the details
I can only wish that I could scream out in ecstasy as often in bed as I did when seeing the almost insane amount of attention to detail at Khajuraho. The darkest niche, the smallest step, the odd corner – the architecture and sculpture was meticulous down to the smallest detail.
And that is a big lesson for love-making. The small details – paying attention to the spots that someone likes being touched in, knowing how their skins feels when aroused, knowing when they might need to stop for a drink of water or simply knowing what their favourite colour makes an individual feel respected and cared about.
The closer you get the more complicated things will become
The temples look grand from afar; massive edifices, the stuff kings commissioned and only royalty had access to. But as you draw closer, you start to notice things – the flat illusion of distance gives way to levelled surfaces that towers above you, resplendent in fine sculpture that could very well be the greatest works of art in India. You can’t even count the number of statues. Your head spins imagining how many years it took how many people to carve these from scratch. The complexity baffles you.
People are pretty much the same way. The closer you get the more you see their complex natures and sometimes it’ll be too much and you’ll have to walk away. But if you give the complexity a chance you could end up surprising yourself.
A little restoration never hurt anyone
After the fall of the dynasty that built them, the Khajuraho temples fell in to disarray and were lost for centuries under forest and scrub. Discovered again by British surveyors, the temples had been neglected and desecrated for nearly 7 centuries before the Archaeological Survey of India finally got down to restoring them. And so as you get closer, things don’t just get more complex, you start to see the trauma and ravages of the years gone by.
The shadows, the cobwebs, the insect cases. Cracks, dust, chucks of stone broken away, entire sections missing, broken hands, distorted faces, blunted edges. It’s still the same structure. But now that you know what it’s been through, you love it even more.
Call me romantic, but I honestly believe that scars (physical and mental) make people beautiful, because they give them a story to tell. And none of us are capable of getting through life without being bruised now and then. Often we cover up the damage and put on a smiling face for the world. But it’s okay to let someone see the damage sometimes. It’s okay to ask that someone about their broken masonry as well.
So don’t be afraid. Get close. See the cracks. Explore.
Have a life of your own: It’ll only make your relationship that much more intense
There is a lot of sex and sensuality on the temple walls. But it definitely isn’t the only thing on the walls. There are wars, hunts, general everyday life with both men and women doing everything from slaying dragons to applying kohl. Together and on their own.
The lesson here is simple. Sex is important. But so is life. Any relationship that relies on sex for a definition is going to peter off sooner than fizz on can of Coke Zero. So do things together. Do things alone. And have amazing acrobatic oral congress (Hey, that’s the way the guides explain it) in between.
It’s NOT just Penetration
I don’t know when sex became this thing that men do to women in order to ejaculate. A lot of people talk about it that way. And their understanding of sex essentially boils down to a certain male appendage spearing different female orifices.
Well apparently, ten centuries back, our knowledge-base was much wider and men and women did a lot of things with a smile. Penetration was one of those things.
So, basically, there’s a lot of variety out there. Stop limiting sex to different positions in which to spear your partner.
Engage all 5 senses
Touch. Sight. Hearing. Taste. Smell.
Obviously the visual artistry of the temples at Khajuraho is undeniable. But there is also the feel of the stone under your feet and as you run your fingers across statues. There is the sound of bees buzzing and people laughing. The taste of winter in the air. And the smell of incense. Afterall a lot of the temples are still sights of active worship.
A lot of people claim that we are becoming a visual civilization. Be that as it may, sexual or romantic situations need to engage all your senses. To make you hyperaware of the person you are making love to. To fire parts of your brain that you didn’t know existed. So that sex becomes something you live as opposed to just witness.
Curves and Edges
If you know the words to John Legend’s ‘All of Me’, you probably figured this one out. If not, here is the lowdown.
Like the sculptures and statues and carvings, each person has smooth (curves) and sharp (edges) aspects. You can’t have one without the other. You can’t enjoy one without the other either. It’s about time we started to accept people without all of their amazing contradictions.
In other words, it’s time to stop running at the first times of edginess.
Love is Hard Work
History claims Khajuraho at the height of its glory was home to more than eighty temples. Today only 21 exist or have been found. I visited them across my 3 days there, walking or cycling most of the way. Then there were the perambulations of the temples to see all the sculptures, steps that lead up to the platform and further steps from there to the sanctum.
So essentially, whether it’s site-seeing or sex, a little fitness and flexibility (none of which have anything to do with weight, mind you) can go a long, long way.
And finally, this is the biggest realization that I walked away from Khajuraho with:
Love is Worship
There is a reason that the imagery from the Kamasutra found its way to temples. Of course, there is a beautiful legend about the moon and a woman and a lot of jazz, but here’s my spin on things:
Khajuraho a testament to the power of love, sex and sensuality over our mundane lives. It is a silent reminder of the divine nature of our physical selves. It is a way for us to return to what we love most.
What we join our hands before, bow our heads for, go down on our knees for: Love.
And here of course if the promised
Getting there from Pune:
- Train to Satna (lots of options, 20-22 hours on road)
- And then bus or taxi to Khajuraho. Talk to Jani (09301949491). He was my cabbie. Be sure to fix a price with him before you get in to the car.
Places to stay:
They are all good and cheap. Just pick an option from the many online.
Take Guddu along to discover some of the more obscure ruins. I don’t have a number but you should find him at the curio shops outside the Jain Temples. Here’s a picture, in case that helps.
Ride them! The terrain is super-easy to navigate. Ask for Mohammad bhai (09893240074) to rent some.
I think I have been to few places that are so safe and secure. Everyone knows everyone and all of them respect tourists. STOP WORRYING!
- The sound & light show at the Western Temples
- Buying weird-ass sex curios
- Visiting the Chausat Yogini Ruins
- Take a day out to go to Kalanjar. It’s one heck of a fortress with rock-cut walls dating back to the 8th century.
Also, carry water bottles and wear easy to remove-n-wear, sturdy shoes (I started walking bare-foot to avoid the hassle at one point). And fuck, this is not a family-vacay destination. Unless you are capable of addressing questions about naked women and copulating animals, use your brain and go to bloody Nainital instead.